A new world, a new life
What else can I ask for?
A life filled with Dignity and Freedom.
Aspirations full of hope.
The future is clear in the bonding
of success and goals.
I have come to realize that my
existence on earth is full of
wonder, where peace and liberty reign.
My restoration is withdrawn
from the depravity of the
A place where love is not only found,
but a place where happiness can be reached.
New Soul, New Life, New Restoration.
This is good.Our paradise,Earth, must provide room for our freedom,liberty,tranquility and positive expectations.It should provide our happiness...We ought to strive hard to make the world a better place to live.
I really liked the flow of the piece, though you may want to add in a stanza or element that shows a contrast between what the ideal is and how fortunate we are to have these things. I say that because by itself this is poem pretty good, but it can't be any better unless you provide a purpose to it. . . Well beyond how great things are, like maybe how we should appreciate how great things are.
Hello Craig, thanks for your advice and as you said, the poem itself can't be any better unless I provide a purpose to it. I will fix/make some changes to it. Thanks once again, really appreciate it.
Please understand that my advice is so so at best, I'm a creative writing student but I'm no expert. There's an argument to be made that your poem has plenty of substance but it isn't made apparent until the 4th stanza when you mention that your goals are in conflict with the world around you. If you'd humor me, try a revision of this poem but place the conflict of your restoration within the first or second stanza and see how the rewrite goes. If you like the changes in your revision, edit this post or make a fresh poem, if your in the mood to continue grooming this piece, I'd love to see the finished work